David Bruce

Dad, Mom, Debbie and Cindy 1953

I grew up a always knowing I should have had a brother.  He would have been two years older than me. In a family where the age gap was ten years between me and my next sibling, I longed for a sibling closer to my age.  My sisters thought I had it easy because I didn't have to compete with another child for my parents attention.  I was always reminded that I was the child of my parents older years so they had more money to spend on me.  I learned to drive on a Mercedes Benz, I got to spend summers in Santa Barbara and travel the country with my parents.  I was fortunate to have my parents to myself, but it was lonely too.

I always wondered what it would have beenlike to have a protective older brother. Would I have been more popular in high school?  Would he have been an athlete (probably not) or in the band like my dad?  I would have had a playmate and someone who knew me when I had to start over at a new school.

David Bruce should have been born in 1960. I don't know the month, but he would have been about 2 years older than myself.  Instead he was a stillborn.  My mom had to carry him almost full term and deliver. Him.  My parents knew he was no longer alive at about 7 months gestation.  Can you imagine such a trauma?  I was too young to understand when my mom would mention it.

Instead they allowed me to dream about a older brother.  Of course, He would have been handsome and funny and fun.  It was years later when I began to research the health effects of radiation exposure that I realized still borns were a result of radiation poisoning.

My mom never knew.  Instead she carried the guilt of not being able to carry a child full term and my fathers only son.  I wish I could tell them.  I wish I could tell them that 5 years after my dad was within a mile of a nuclear bomb being detonated their baby boy would be a casualty of radiation poisoning. The at least their disappointment would have a reason.

There is a silver lining to this story.....me!  I was born two years later, a big bouncing baby girl (8 pounds) with curly hair and a big belly laugh.  I've been perfectly healthy most of my life.  When I think about how different things could have been, I praise God for he has been very, very good to me.

Dirt to Scratch and Eggs to Lay

With apologies to my friends who are raising chickens, this is what my mom said about our first born Ian.  When Ian was very small she would watch him play and said, "he has dirt to scratch and eggs to lay!".  I guess that meant he always did things with a purpose.  And he has!

Me and Ian at the Smithsonian 2004

Maybe it is the curse of being the first born or maybe it is because, even though he looks like his father, he has Karr blood running through him. Ian has always had great aspirations.  His Grandpa Bruce at the age of 17 wanted to leave his small town and make his way in the world with my mom by his side. Daddy graduated from Ohio State University (Go Buckeyes!) and fulfilled his ROTC commitment to the Army.  He went to Georgia for training and then to Germany.  Before Daddy was done with his military service he would travel to Korea, Japan, Hawaii and California.

I left my parents at the age of 17 to attend college and never really looked back. I traveled 1000 miles away to California and did not return home for almost 20 years. I had to make my way in the world. I was able to do it because I knew I was loved and encouraged to be the person I was supposed to be.

California is where Ian is returning to. It is his home. California is where he lived until he was 16 years old. We uprooted him and moved him to Tennessee where the people talk funny and you know your neighbors. He has friends and a church family in California to love him. Just as important is he has some opportunities there that he does not have here.  He would be like a caged bird in Tennessee. I could not do that to my child.

This is the young man who we let travel extensively on his own to a Sea Cadet Boot Camp on Christmas Day 2006 and to many church camps beginning at age 11. By the time Ian touched down in Tennessee he had traveled to 30 of the 50 United States.  As a young man he was traveled to Italy, Germany, Slovenia, and Austria.  Thank God he has NOT been to Iraq or Afghanistan.

So, with tears in my eyes, I put Ian on a plane yesterday morning. I wondered, was this the way my mom felt when she put me on a plane 35 years ago? It is so hard to let my baby go but I know he is fulfilling the Lord's promise of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Summer 2014 in Myrtle Beach, SC